Love vs. Fear

My affirmation for today is: “I forgive myself for choosing fear. Today I choose Love.”

Last night, I dreamed of my mother. She was still living in my childhood home, as she always is in my dreams about her. I lashed out at her angrily for not adequately preparing the house for the holiday family dinner. When my cousin Debbie arrived, she asked for ammonia and sponges to clean the bathroom. I was angry at Edna (my mother) for having dementia.

My anger, in real life, is rooted in fear…fear of losing the mother I knew, and fear of losing myself, who I only knew as a reflection of her expectations and wishes. Today, instead of fear, I choose to love myself, who I am now just getting to know now that there’s no one to impress or please. Today, instead of anger at Edna for “leaving me”, I choose to just love her – – all of her – – the memories of who I once knew, and the woman who is changing before my eyes.

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