I sleep on water. 
A mattress filled with an ocean of tears, a sea of sadness,
Waves of suffering crest and crash during the night. 
One foot in death and another in Light.
After tears flow into rivers and streams sleep arrives to relieve pure exhaustion.
But sleep is a lie.
An illusion that life feels good.  Sleep is a cloak of protection from pain. 
One foot in darkness and another in life.
As the first slight prickles of consciousness intermingle with dream vestiges
a trance state feels as if miracles can occur
the bubble is burst.
The bliss wasn’t real.
The disappointment is so palpable that it makes a ‘thud’ noise in the ears and a vibration in the body of a door shutting.
Tears come to the eyes, The light of day is offensive and cruel to the senses.
“No! No! Come back!” arms outstretched towards nocturnal heaven fading away like cloudwisps or vapor.
So close to the touch yet elusive and barely remembered seconds later.
If lucky, remnants of sleep leave quietly.  If not, floodgates of thought and memory open.
During the night,
God works on what I prayed on
during the light of day.
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I feel safe as I walk the dark, wet streets
despite the preponderance of red and blue lights among vehicles.

I Am supported by the ground, as it gives me just enough to survive another day.

I Am rooted in this town that I’ve adopted
and it envelops me in security
despite the assault in progress around the corner
or the fiend in withdrawal up the block.
I have a home away from home that nurtures my mind and soul with words.

With the wings of an eagle I soar, looking down on my co-creation.
As above, so below.

As Father God’s sun irradiates the earth
my Love for Mother Earth radiates from me
to everyone and every space that I inhabit.

I Am innocent. I Am safe. I Am Love.

M.T. Bernard 2/2/16

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Love vs. Fear

Source: Love vs. Fear

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Love vs. Fear

My affirmation for today is: “I forgive myself for choosing fear. Today I choose Love.”

Last night, I dreamed of my mother. She was still living in my childhood home, as she always is in my dreams about her. I lashed out at her angrily for not adequately preparing the house for the holiday family dinner. When my cousin Debbie arrived, she asked for ammonia and sponges to clean the bathroom. I was angry at Edna (my mother) for having dementia.

My anger, in real life, is rooted in fear…fear of losing the mother I knew, and fear of losing myself, who I only knew as a reflection of her expectations and wishes. Today, instead of fear, I choose to love myself, who I am now just getting to know now that there’s no one to impress or please. Today, instead of anger at Edna for “leaving me”, I choose to just love her – – all of her – – the memories of who I once knew, and the woman who is changing before my eyes.

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Cigarettes and Lollipops

I ate ten lollipops today.
A lot of sugar for a life lacking sweetness for so long.

Cloudcoat on Whitehall, beautiful obscure white sky
nothing but roofs under which happy families reside.
A lucky clip here and there… hope no one spies my now-back-pocketed pride.

On the road again towards a meeting of minds.

Someone thought to bring me breakfast. How could they have known the emptiness in my belly that is now being filled with creative thoughts and ideas?
A wordfeast.
I devour them….printed, spoken, mused.

Each morning I tell myself that the journey ahead is filled with God’s masterpieces….flora, fauna, tweets, roars, screeching, laughter, movement, yelling, chatting, gusts, whirls, fog, drops.

In reality, I troll for treasures lying in the street and treats gratis at the same locale
where I stand in hopes of a miracle. One day soon something will change
in the direction of my visualizations and desires.

Until then, cigarettes and lollipops it will be.

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Feather: A Poem

It should be a fond remembrance of you.

Yet I leave it on the sidewalk
isolated, trampled, wet, dirty
the way I felt when I was with you
You were tickled, nurtured, aroused
I was angry, resentful, disinterested
You felt the energy of the being that the object previously adorned
Free to soar at will
I felt confined by our closeness
chained and grounded by painful memories
I leave it on the sidewalk
so that I can be free at last.

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Source: FAITH

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